I Always Feel Like I Have To Be Doing Something

Every day, even on weekends, I set alerts to ensure I’m out of bed by my “real” alarm. For work and mostly because I know I’ll procrastinate. Not because I need the hours, but because I can’t stand the feeling of being rushed. And the only days I ever spend in bed are the ones when I’m too sick or just don’t want to get out at all! otherwise, I have to be doing something. I have an obsession with time, or more specifically.. Anxiety about the inevitable lack of it. Turns out, I’m not alone. People who lead very meaning driven lives tend to struggle with the idea of wasting time. Be it theirs or someone else’s,” says primary care physician Alex Lickerman, MD, coauthor of The Ten Worlds: The New Psychology of Happiness. Experts call this “time anxiety,” and it’s a fixation on the passage of time, he explains. It can take a few different forms. You might have an inability to sleep in, feel stressed by uncontrollable time sucks (even when you have nowhere to be) or worry about showing up late to anything and everything. “When you base your happiness and success on your ability to be purposeful to add value in some way. You feel very unsafe just watching the seconds tick by,” Dr. Lickerman says. As kids, we hardly knew what we wanted for lunch, let alone our life purpose, and time felt…endless. But by adulthood, we’ve experienced loss. Especially the unexpected kind. We watched infants grow into little people seemingly overnight, and no longer had semester schedules or designated breaks to punctuate our years. We know now how fleeting and precious time can be. So as our responsibilities pile up and we chase new goals in the name of, self growth. It’s no wonder we feel attached to each minute we’re given. “The problem isn’t that time is finite,” says Kevin Chapman, a clinical psychologist in Louisville, Kentucky. “It’s the perception of time being out of your control that creates a negative relationship.” You end up stuck in a vicious cycle of anxious thoughts. For instance, you ruminate over what seem wasted moments you know, in traffic, in line, even falling asleep during a movie! To a point that it totally messes with you the rest of your day. Living with a sense of urgency can do a number on your mental and physical health long term. “If you’re always thinking about what you need to be doing now, or doing next, or should have done earlier, that’s enough to provoke a harmful response in your body,” says Chapman. When you’re fixated on your watch, the obvious answer is to pack in as many activities as you can, right? Not so fast. “People with this anxiety are often the ones who overcommit, because they think the more they’re involved in, the more relief they’ll get,” Chapman says. That just makes matters worse, he adds, “because now they have too many things on their plate and way fewer hours to work with.” Oy! And what do you end up doing as a result of overloading yourself? Procrastinating. “You put off things that stress you out in an attempt to lower anxiety, but that just makes you more anxious about the growing lack of time,” he explains. Typical ease-up interventions, like meditation, aren’t always helpful. “When the source of anxiety is not being productive, focusing on the present—on the moment you’re sitting there, ‘doing nothing’—can make you feel meaningless.” And the more you fret about time, the more paralyzed you’ll feel. So, what can you do? The cure is twofold. First, you need to train yourself to let go of your obsession with not having enough minutes or days. You can do this by dropping “catastrophic” thoughts, like I never have enough time to X, or I don’t have time to do Y, which create a sense of terror in the body. Instead replace them with realistic, upbeat affirmations that you can whip out when your brain gets overwhelmed such as, “I have time for only one thing, but I’ll do it well.” Then realize that watching the hours go by isn’t as detrimental as it seems. Start by letting go of the idea of wasted time. Attach a purpose to every activity you are doing, even if it feels like nothing. If you’re spending Friday night Net­flixing in bed, you’re resetting your brain after a crazy week, which will help you own your Monday. Standing in line at the grocery store? You’re thinking ahead about a week of dinners with your partner, or calling your mom for a catchup. Once you reframe your perspective, make a note of even the tiniest takeaways every night, like in a gratitude journal, if you want. This phenomenon, the “Fear of Not Doing” is when you feel guilty for spending free moments not being productive, napping instead of running errands. Fix your attitude by acknowledging that relaxing is a feat too. On one day, that might be crushing your workout, on another, it’s just putting away the clean laundry. Every win counts. Another fun mental exercise? “Bully time,” as Chapman describes it. “Be late to an event when you won’t get fired for it and see how not-scary the consequences can be.” He says. Confronting your fear helps you feel in control of it.